


Beneath the Maddening Silence

by LovelyDream306



Category: Bleach
Genre: Also IR adultery is an alluring thought so here we are lmao, Angst, Because he's unhappy and has many thoughts, F/M, It's an emotional affair ya'll, Just angst, Kurosaki Ichigo-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29628561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyDream306/pseuds/LovelyDream306
Summary: "If it were up to him, it would've been Rukia who'd been by his side."...In which Ichigo struggles to come to terms with this reality that is his life.
Relationships: Kuchiki Rukia & Kurosaki Ichigo, Kuchiki Rukia/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Beneath the Maddening Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Something that was originally for last year's IR month prompt Fantasy vs Reality. 
> 
> This takes place during chapter 686 and even though I absolutely HATE the chapter I won't deny that it makes for some delicious IR *angst*. So here we are and I hope this is as good as I think it is lol. 
> 
> I listened to one song and one song only while writing this and that is [Neptune](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/14e3Rn75Doydv8eyFiaj1A) by Sleeping At Last.

* * *

_"It's not a metaphor, this ache."_

_—Catherine Abbey Hodges_

How long has it been?

How long has it been since he's last seen this woman?

Rukia stands at the foot of his door, arms crossed and proud. The ceased clock begins to tick once again.

He is ecstatic when he sees her, after all, his entire world is in the palms of her hands, and he greets her with gusto, a charming grin that he hoped reached his eyes. She mustn't know that he missed her. She mustn't know how her presence alone is affecting him. But he welcomes her into his home and it is like she had never left.

The banter begins— those who are around them make no effort to stop them— and he could tell that she missed him too. She smiles knowingly at his displeased frown, hits his shoulder playfully and tells him to loosen up a little but he swats her hand away and insists that he's relaxed and fine but the look she had given him told him that she caught on to his lie.

He curses her for being able to read him so easily.

Inoue calls out to him, her voice gentle and soft and _warm,_ and when she touches him he flinches and he could tell that she pretends not to notice because she smiles and tells him that dinner is ready. The apology is on the tip of his tongue but he cannot bring himself to speak. Instead he nods and that was enough for her to understand. From his peripheral, he sees her gesture to their guests and they gladly accept the invitation.

Rukia's smile had never been so forced.

At the dinner table she sits across from him and it reminds him of the past; of days that were much more hectic and _real—_ of days when she considered this place home and when everything felt _right._ She looks at him, and quickly looks away, eyes downcast as if ashamed. If it were up to him, it would've been Rukia who'd been by his side.

_If things were different…_ He cannot bring himself to finish the thought, not when Inoue places her hand atop his own and laces their fingers together. Her hand is small in his own, slender fingers and manicured nails. She laughs when Renji makes a joke and Rukia chimes in with her own and he watches them and is filled with envy and rage but he throws in his own two cents into the conversation and soon everyone is laughing.

If things were different, Rukia would've been the one by his side.

It was only wishful thinking on Ichigo's part. His desire to see her again was almost overwhelming. But this is the life he chose and he has no right to complain.

Because from outside he has the perfect family; a perfect wife, an intelligent child— his bright eyed kid that definitely resembles his mother more than himself— and he could tell Inoue is trying and a part of him is grateful for her effort but she is yet to fill the void the woman across from him left when she disappeared ten years ago.

So when dinner is over, they act like their usual selves. Renji had dismissed himself first as he claimed that he had unfinished business with Byakuya whilst Rukia offered to stay behind to help clean. She gave her husband a goodbye kiss on the cheek and it took everything in his power to keep from looking away. It was nauseating, his heart lodged in his throat. The guilt he felt when Rukia's eyes met his own wasn't nearly as strong as it should've been.

"It's good to have you." Inoue says, oblivious to what was happening between them. "Please, stay as long as you'd like. You're always welcome into our home, Rukia."

"Thank you, Inoue." She responds with a smile, "It's truly a pleasure." And they get to cleaning. Ichigo makes sure to stay a considerable distance away, focusing on his tasks while she's washing dishes in silence. It isn't until he accidentally bumps into her that they finally speak. An apology spills from his lips, and she reprimands him for almost making her drop the porcelain dish in her hands.

So the shouting never stops. The teasing. The name calling.

The way he feels at home with simply _knowing_ she is near.

Her presence alone brings him comfort.

It was all so troublesome, yet he wouldn't have it any other way. After all, she is the center of his universe.

When they are alone, they speak in hushed voices. Words are shared between them that no one else is allowed to hear. Confessions that shouldn't be spoken.

"You're a fool." She scolds him, her eyes ablaze underneath the waning moon. He frowns at her tone, reaches for her and is relieved to find that she doesn't shy away from his touch. But she is harsh and relentless in how she looks at him. "This fear of yours is what caused this. Now is not the time to complain."

"I know." He growls, frustrated. "But that bastard said-"

"I know what he said!" She cut him off, her pained expression made his chest ache. "I know what he said…" she repeated, this time much quieter, "it's been _years_ Ichigo. Don't you think we've been happy enough?"

"Then you're the fool if that's what you believe."

"Don't…" She pleads, "...Don't make this any harder than what it is Ichigo. We've already made our choice. We have no other option but to go through with it."

It was the painful truth, one he so desperately wishes to deny. Because to be with her was all he ever wished for. She was his ray of light and his beam of hope. The one who dried his rain and helped shoulder his burdens. Patient and understanding. Strong and resilient. His _Rukia._

She got a hold of his hand, the touch itself was gentle. _Trembling._ She looks at him with pleading eyes, and in their reflection he could see his own desperation. But they know what is coming and they do nothing to stop it.

And when his lips brushed against hers, there was a sense of longing. A shuddering breath. A breathless moan. A reality neither of them want to claim or recognize.

This was their life now.

And they have no right to complain.


End file.
